


The Tears You Are Crying Now

by anotherslashfan



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy
Genre: Dubious Consent, Future Fic, M/M, Un-negotiated D/s, Watersports
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-12
Updated: 2013-03-12
Packaged: 2017-12-05 01:20:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/717226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherslashfan/pseuds/anotherslashfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pete keeps pushing Patrick's boundaries.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Tears You Are Crying Now

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sylvaine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sylvaine/gifts).



> Written for this prompt at the [](http://bandom-meme.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**bandom_meme**](http://bandom-meme.dreamwidth.org/): [link](http://bandom-meme.dreamwidth.org/8565.html?thread=382325#cmt382325).  
>  Beta'd by [](http://seyren.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**seyren**](http://seyren.dreamwidth.org/) and [](http://king-touchy.dreamwidth.org/profile)[](http://king-touchy.dreamwidth.org/)**king_touchy**. Huge thanks to both of them! They managed to improve this story a lot from its initial state (as posted at my DW). Any remaining awkwardness and mistakes are fully my own.  
>  I lay the blame for writing this at [](http://sylvaine.dreamwidth.org/profile)[](http://sylvaine.dreamwidth.org/)**sylvaine** 's feet: she gave me the idea and then spurred me on ^^. Title is from the song "Oh My Lord" by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds.

Pete has always tried to make Patrick his. And to let the world know it, too, or at least those of their friends who deserve to know the truth. He spends sleepless nights figuring out _how_ to do it.

The thing is, it's kind of hard to leave his mark on Patrick. His first attempt worked, at least a bit. Patrick's hat wearing has become something of a Patrick trait. But. Nobody even knows that the hat initially was Pete's idea. Pete's never, ever thinking of how Patrick did his solo shows hatless.

Pete's next chance came with Patrick's 18th birthday. This opportunity, Pete failed abysmally. He tried to make Patrick get a tattoo, or at least want it, but Patrick only ever said yes when he was so drunk no tattoo artist worth their money would have agreed to ink him. And Pete wants his mark on Patrick to be beautiful, not paid for in scars like his own first tattoo.

Another way is to test Patrick's boundaries. Contrary to what the world - or rather, the internet - seems to believe, it's hard to make Patrick say no to a dare. Patrick is always willing to risk his skin or dignity, as long as you admit, afterwards, that he was right all along. Pete has a list - rather, a blurry cell phone photo of a list - Patrick wrote him on one of their first tours. It details all the things Pete isn't allowed to do to Patrick (anymore).

Then again, the list isn't that precious considering it's just proof that Pete has a _problem_ with boundaries when it comes to Patrick. Patrick's other friends know not to wear his boxers and then hide them in Patrick's duffel with the clean underwear to escape discovery. Patrick's other friends wouldn't borrow Patrick's things all the time yet refuse him the one time he needs something from them. (There were _reasons_ Pete didn't want Patrick touching that pen, okay?)

Pete tried to make Patrick's body his by unequivocally loving its shape, affirming it even when Patrick had started hating it. "Fuck you liking me like that, I want my body to be in my control and it's not. It's just not working for me. Not anymore." Patrick losing all that weight felt like a fuck you right to Pete's face. He helped shape Patrick, but Patrick took it all away and people _admire_ him for it. Patrick's lack of body shyness and his newly-won self-confidence apparently make him seem more attainable. Everybody wants a piece. Pete's left with the conflict of liking this Patrick as much as any other, but also seeing the gulf between him and Patrick filled by everyone who's lured in by the looks.

Pete is okay with Patrick's marriage. Has to be, since he got married before Patrick. Although Patrick probably never noticed the slight Pete was aiming at him when he married Ashlee. (It may not be the reason Pete married her, but it's on the list of things that informed his decision.) The only way Patrick was hurt by Pete's marriage was when it was over and Pete hurt.

Pete needs rules and boundaries, and he holds himself to his promises, always. In a way, he needs to be married where Patrick just _wants_ to fully commit to a person. In realizing this fault in his personality, Pete can't bring himself to be anything but accepting of Patrick's marriage. Happy, even, but only because he hopes that there are parts of Patrick that belong only to Pete. But he can't be certain that Patrick knows the ways in which he is _Pete's_.

So Pete keeps coming up with ideas to leave his mark on Patrick, to find a space Patrick will allow only Pete to share, to make Patrick acknowledge the unique weight that is the Pete-Patrick relationship. When he has a new idea, one he is 80% sure will finally do the trick, he starts planning. That is, he conceives a plan in a moment of brilliance lying awake in the slow seconds between 3:42 and 3:45 a.m.. Getting the logistics down beforehand is most important. Pete will wing the rest. In the meantime, he imagines how it will feel like. Primal, but heavy with metaphorical meaning, too...

They're just far enough into the Save Rock and Roll tour that they need space between the shows. When Patrick retreats, probably to fiddle with Garage Band before bed, Pete sends a text to Meagan. _its on!_ Meagan knows he's planning a prank, so she calls him and helps him stage a phone fight for Patrick to overhear. (Meagan will turn off her phone after so that Patrick won't be able to reach her to apologize for Pete. He used to call Ashlee.) Stage one of the plan completed, Pete tries to gauge Patrick's reaction. Patrick seems to be at a loss, still, so Pete pounces.

"Uh, sorry. Uhm. I kind of want to go out and do something amazing, that is, amazing and _stupid_ which I'm gonna regret once the pics hit the net. So... can I be stupid in your amazing company, instead? I could, uh, bribe you with..." He looks around aimlessly. Thankfully, Patrick jumps at the chance of an easy solution to Pete's drama. He quickly opens the door to his hotel room and waves Pete in.

Patrick is trying to cheer Pete up, so two hours later they are sprawled on his bed, watching prank videos on Youtube with increasing intrigue (Pete) and disturbed fascination (Patrick). Pete couldn't have planned this better if he _tried_. High on success, Pete asks, "Have you ever pissed on someone? Someone who wanted you to do it?" and hopes he can pass it off as a random thought. Pete thinks, _Come on, make fun of me already. Let me try to convince you._

Patrick pauses the video, glances at Pete, and swallows audibly. That isn't the reaction Pete was expecting. "Why do you want to know?"

Pete wavers for a second, considers passing it off as a joke and changing the subject, but instead says, "I just realized that I've done all kinds of shit, but not that. And it wouldn't even be that weird, in the grand scheme, blah blah..." Patrick is looking at something behind him, so Pete lets his voice trail off. "Don't tell me this weirded you out. Patrick." Pete clears his throat. "It's not that weird, okay? I'll show you. Prove it to you."

"Boundaries." Patrick's expression cycles from an annoyed eye-roll to a disbelieving smirk to an unreadable blankness. He finally focuses on Pete, but then grabs a pillow and hides his face. Before Pete's worry can coalesce into action, Patrick surprises him again by thwacking him with the pillow. Pete thinks, _challenge accepted,_ and they're off. Soon enough they're rolling around on the floor, Patrick mostly on top until Pete plays dirty and goes for Patrick's hair.

"Fuck, I thought we were finally too old for this shit," Patrick mumbles beneath Pete.

Spurred on by adrenaline, Pete blurts, "We aren't old, fucker. And I'll let you go if you let me piss on you."

Patrick sighs, loud and long. "How does this happen every damn time I'm just trying to help you?"

"... You could see it as me helping you prove that you're not old?"

Patrick's "Whatever." sounds so desolate that Pete loosens his grip and climbs off Patrick without another word.

Patrick stands up, and brushes invisible lint off his clothes. He rummages around in his luggage and heads to the bathroom, toiletry bag in hand. He doesn't lock the bathroom door behind him, though, so Pete supposes he's not really angry.

"Let me in? Before I start quoting poetry?" Patrick doesn't answer. The only sound is the water running into the sink. After counting - fast - to fifty, Pete cautiously opens the door. Patrick is standing at the sink, hands balled to fists. He is shaking slightly, and his pupils are startlingly wide when he looks up at Pete.

Pete steps into the bathroom, locking the door. Patrick says, "You'll never talk to anyone about this. Not even to me, understood?" Patrick isn't allowed to surprise Pete that many times in one day. He shouldn't be _able_ to. Pete is still grasping for a pretense of coolness or at least a self-deprecating smile when Patrick starts unbuttoning his shirt. He's very businesslike with it, and Pete's still dumbfounded by the time Patrick's let his underwear drop to the floor and stepped into the shower.

"This is your only chance." Patrick's voice sounds off, too deep, slightly breathless. "Don't tell me you're too afraid to do it?" Patrick's probably going for mocking, but it's more hesitant than anything.

Pete's wits finally decide to rejoin him, and a pit opens in his stomach. Patrick is letting him do this, for whatever reason. And it's private, not a real dare. Pete can't fathom why Patrick would let him, but he can't miss this opportunity. Patrick rarely regrets his decisions, he must know what he's doing, even when Pete, who fucking planned this, doesn't really know up from down right now.

Slowly, Pete unbuckles his belt, gets out of his jeans. Patrick starts the shower, but he's also watching Pete, staring at his hands. Pete can't tell if he'll even be able to piss now. "Don't stare, you might not like what you see." he says.

Patrick chuckles at that. "It would be fitting that you get off on this..." He says it very quietly. Pete is so startled he turns and washes his hands in the sink, not that there's a need to. He isn't turned on by this, he isn't. He's just nervous. Who wouldn't be?

"Pete, don't freak out now. You said you wanted to do it. Do it." Patrick's tone leaves no room for disagreement, and Pete's not even sure he _wants_ to disagree as a wave of heat washes over him. He turns, slides down his underwear. Patrick just sits on the rim of the bathtub. Pete is trying to figure out the logistics when Patrick grabs his wrists hard and pulls Pete towards him. "Just do it, Pete." His pupils are still dilated. He smells sweaty and he's giving off a lot of heat now that Pete is so close. He didn't notice before, but he knows that smell. He darts a glance - yes. Patrick is half-hard.

"Is this a- a sex thing?" Pete needs to talk, he needs to.

"Shut up. Please shut up." Patrick says it through clenched teeth, and the look he gives Pete is almost menacing. "Do it. Piss on me."

Pete's heart is racing. It's as if he's just come off stage after a great show, but doubly intense. Suddenly he feels like he can do everything. Patrick asked him to do such a little thing, all things considered. He watches his hand hold his penis, sees himself release the first streak. It lands on Patrick's chest, his stomach, his dick. Pete looks at Patrick's face instead. The relief he felt at doing what he was told to do quickly morphs into an out of body experience. He watches the tableau of them. Patrick gasping heavily, Pete's piss flowing, hitting the tub, the floor, Pete's feet. The moment stretches. Pete's perception is scrambled. He just stands, feeling a bit empty and a lot vulnerable. Then his hand is gently taken away from his dick. Patrick cleans their hands under the running water, then gets rid off Pete's hoodie and shirt. Pete lets himself be pulled under the shower. After an undetermined amount of time, Patrick says, "If you don't want to be here when I jerk off, now's the time to get out of the room."

Pete nods, and gets out of the shower, avoiding the puddle on the tiles. He grabs a towel, half-heartedly starts to dry himself. He can't leave, he realizes. Patrick is allowing him to see this. This is what he's been _waiting_ for. Pete raises his gaze. Patrick's right hand is on his dick. He looks as if he's in pain, a bit, as he jerks himself almost - economically. Patrick doesn't seem to be enjoying himself, but he comes after only a couple of strokes, biting his lip. He's totally silent even as his face relaxes into an almost comical expression. Pete watches.

Patrick rinses off and stops the water. He takes a deep breath and then says, "Thank you for making me figure this out in the worst possible way."

Pete loses all feeling in his hands. He can't breathe. In desperation he makes himself punch the tiled wall until he can draw a breath.

"Shit!" Patrick loses his footing and falls down once before he reaches Pete. He wraps him in another towel - just a pretense for a hug, really. "Sorry. That's not what I meant, okay? It's just that I never ever want to think of you in a sexual way and I don't want to fuck you up, you know? That was seriously not okay, me making you do this. I didn't know it would be... like this. Or I did and... "

"You can trust me." Pete says. As triumphant declarations go, this one falls short of its goal. Pete mimes zipping his lips, then leans into the hug. He feels slightly sick, a lot as if he were drunk or on a bad high. Patrick heaves a sigh, and closes his arms around Pete, holding them both up.

Pete allows himself a few moments to wallow in regret. Be careful what you wish for doesn't even begin to cover this.

Patrick's "This changes nothing." is late and meaningless, the revolution already over and done with.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone who encouraged me along the way! If not for you, I would never have had the courage to post a fanfic, and I was amazed at the positivity the story received even in its unbeta'd stage.


End file.
